I went to a friend’s memorial today for her mother. I had only met her mother once, last year, on Mother’s Day. What turned out to be her last. As I sat in almost the very front row, by myself until some good soul came and sat by me and saved me, Kleenex and all, I couldn’t stop crying.
I felt like an idiot; get a grip, Jesus Man! I couldn’t. The service was just so beautiful and well put together, and in that moment I just started mourning every single person we have lost this year. David Bowie. Glenn Frey. Merle Haggard. Natalie Cole. Prince. And then the night before the service I was online and learned of The Greatest’s death, Muhammad Ali. It washed over me like a wave and it was unstoppable. I had held it all in for months, trying to deny that they were all gone. I didn’t want to accept any of it, didn’t want to let any of them go.
I know we hang on the losses of our celebrities more so than “regular” people, but at that moment I was mourning for everyone that had ever died, in whatever fashion. The unseen and unheard, tragic and common, how many we lose every year and how many we will lose next year and the year after that and on and on. But as I sat there and thought about how fleeting life truly is and the tears coursed down my cheeks, I was suddenly AWARE, totally and completely, eyes wide open in the NOW. If you’ve never been there I suggest you book a flight right this moment, get those passports renewed.
I am only 53 and already most of my close friends are decades gone; lives cut tragically short by alcohol abuse, heart attack, diabetes, suicide. My grandparents are gone, my childhood pets long over the Rainbow Bridge. All too soon my parents will leave me an orphan and then I will have a whole new heaviness to my heart that will never subside. It is truly amazing the amount of loss the human heart can endure, but only because we have no choice.
In my battle with depression over the years I have danced on The Edge more than once; I now know that it is not up to us to decide when we go. The Universe has a plan for each of us and we all must punch our karma ticket. For better or worse, we must each stick around to see how our own movie ends.
There’s a million ways to say that “life is short” and I’m sure they’ve all been said by now so I won’t waste your time spewing anymore rhetoric. But I will say this: as you get out there and live this summer, honor someone no longer here that you loved dearly by living the best life you can possibly live. To all the young people that will die in tragic accidents this summer and never get to finish their life, never get to be old, live for them. Don’t we owe that to them all?
E. “The Gonzo” Hunter 6/12/16
