We all have things to say in this life. The trouble is, most of us don’t say them. We try to be polite like our parents taught us, or politically correct lest we lose our jobs and friends. We suppress our urges to tell people what we really think of them because for some reason unbeknownst to me in particular, we have had it hammered into our heads that it is wrong. And if we DO, God forbid, “tell it like it is”, the rest of the world looks at us as if somehow WE are the ones that are strange, dangerous, the enemy, all of the above. Telling the truth makes people wildly uncomfortable. Blowing the whistle on something or someone is looked at as if we are “rats” for turning people in. We are called brave for shining the light on an issue, then we are ostracized. People don’t like change or the rocking of boats. If things are not said, people can go on avoiding having to examine their own existence. Sadly, I have found most people prefer it this way. We are living now in a world of “don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t talk, don’t communicate, suppress, ignore, avoid, cast blame elsewhere”.
I personally have always belonged to the “question authority at all times” crowd. To conform to societal norms would mean death to all that is me. It took me many years to finally shrug off the cloak of disappointment that my environment thrust upon me all of my youth and most of my adulthood. To face down the stares and shaking of heads, the talking behind my back about being the angry black sheep of my family, fighting and railing against countless men in my life who sought to tame and terrorize the “differentness” out of me. Yes, I have finally embraced and truly come to love and adore me in all of my me-ness. From now on, there will be no more leaving things unsaid.
Now at the beginning of my fifth decade on this planet, I am just now starting to truly live and I cannot tell all of you how wonderful, absolutely exquisite, it feels. I am on a high that I will never come down from. So much to do, so much to write, so much to see and experience; getting older and getting rid of dirtbag Husband #3 really puts that in perspective for you, but it was so much more than that really.
In the fall of 2014 I took my 1952 vintage camper “Hammy” up into the mountains to watch the annual changing of the aspens here in Colorado, a truly beautiful and inspiring event that many of us here in the state have turned into a time honored event. Settling into one of my favorite campsites, I dug in for the long haul with no cell signal, no electricity, no Internet. The tiny solar panel on top of the camper was only counted on to charge my laptop and run the overhead vent fan and one lamp when needed. In short, I was in heaven. No contact with the outside world tends to have that affect on me. The only time I left was every three days to get more ice and to shower at the rec center 30 min. away. (I know not taking a shower for three days may sound gross to the lot of you, but trust me, there are many ways to stay clean in the meantime with a pot of hot water and butt wipes).
In the 10 days I was there I did a tremendous amount of reading, relaxing, and introspection, along with nightly campfires, looking at the incredible stars, hiking with the dogs to gather more firewood, and of course, lots of pot smoking. Again, heaven. And so it was on one of these blissful afternoons of just “being” that I was reading either The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, or The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, that all of a sudden I was filled with what I can only describe as a heightening of my being. I saw the Light, I had an “Aha” moment, whatever you want to call it. Only it wasn’t temporary. It was a permanent shifting of my whole cognitive self, like a veil being lifted and more of the secrets of this life being revealed to me. It was tremendous and certainly life changing. I was so happy and exalted, I couldn’t wait to share it with everyone I loved.
Cue the problem. Once I returned to civilization, I was incredulous to find that NO ONE wanted to hear what I had to say. Not my kids, my family, or my few friends. In their eyes I was again being the bossy know-it-all who had attempted many times in their lives to change them or tell them how they should be living their lives. Only this time it was different but it was to no avail. It was as if I had “cried wolf” too many times before. I would not be listened to or believed any longer. I was on my own. And I was sad.
How could anyone not want answers to some of the most fundamental questions most of us ask while we are here, like mainly, “Why are we here?” I believed (and believe) I have come to know the answer to that. I have also come to know that you CAN live without fear, problems, stress, trouble in relationships, or massive amounts of debt and “stuff” that will NEVER make you happy, NEVER fill that hole of yearning within. And yet, when I go out into humanity (as little as possible), I am faced with the cold hard fact that 99% of the population of the world doesn’t give one fuck about obtaining or learning this information. Everyone has become what I call true zombies; they don’t know what they don’t know, and when you try to share your knowledge with them, you are treated like the one with a disease. Everyone I love is unconscious and I can’t wake them up. It’s truly like a nightmarish episode of The Twilight Zone.
All I ask of anyone reading this is to wake up - keep your consciousness and your heart open and acknowledge that you don’t know everything. Keep learning, keep changing, and above all please God, keep evolving. I promise that your life will become something amazing and crazy things will start to happen that you never dreamed possible. Do good deeds for others just because. Have compassion for everyone you meet because you DON’T know what they’re going thru or what it’s like to be them. Put your ego self aside and quit making everything about you. Because when you begin to do these things, good things will come back to you. That’s just an irrefutable law of the Universe. We’re all in this together and it’s about goddamn time we realized that before this world goes to hell in a hand basket.
Oh, and also please read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, An Open Heart by the Dalai Lama, and The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. You might just have your your epiphany. Go get ‘em tiger.
Until next time, living small and loving it largely,
The Gonzo Hunter
